id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
