i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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