I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
