i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
