can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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