Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
