Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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