Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
