he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
