So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
