I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
