I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
