it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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