I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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