I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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