we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
