The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
