4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
