but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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