I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
