so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
