it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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