I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
