dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
