I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize