guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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