Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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