Can i not drive my cunt home
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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