umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
