Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
