I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
