Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
