he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
