Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I supernannyed him into submission
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
