If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
