i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We got so high we made milksteak
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
