I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
