he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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