help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
