New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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