the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
