Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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