do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
