I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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