There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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