Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
