When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
