Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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