i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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