I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize