3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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