I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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