My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
