I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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