I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
