he puts the penis in happiness.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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