We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
