I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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