Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
