In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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