I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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