the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
