Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
