2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
