you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
