Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
