Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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