A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
