so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
