i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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