i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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